Innocence Never Lasts Forever

    The innocence that fadees from childhood into adulthood is kind of terrifying. When I was younger, playing with water guns or shooter grames like Fortnite felt normal and fun. Me and my friends would run around the backyard having water gun fights without ever thinking about the real violence those games were imitating. Back then, I never understood why my school banned shooter grames, but as I got older and started reading the news more, I realized how quickly situations involving guns can escalate and how serious they really are. In Sag Harbor, Benji experiences that same loss of innocence when he gest shot in th head with a BB gun, leaving a bullet stuck inside him forever as a permanent reminder of that moment. 

    At first, the chapter feels like harmless childhood behavior. When Benji's friends mentions guns he immedatiely assumes toy guns. He imagines something along the lines of him and his boys are playing with toy guns, messing around, and trying to act tough in front of each other. You can even see Benji like, records are cooler than toy guns when he says, "You guys want to head to East Hapton to buy records? I thought we were past playing with guns" (Whitehead 150). It shows how Benji really thinks how childish this whole things until he realizes it's actual BB guns and hes like we should wear helmets and worrying about safety and his friends like "don't be a pussy", we also the peer-pressure put into play. It also shows how this moment change from a game to not a game anymore, it startes to connect to these ideas of guns being masculine, something honorable, and using violence to solve problems, to show how Benji was often taught to see agression as part of "being a man". Not only through this scene but also several scenes with his interactions with his dad. 

    Benji's dad plays a huge role in shaping his sons mindest. He constantly pushes ideas of toughness and masculinity, basically teaching Benji not to appear weak. Sag Harbor to Benji, while he has several happy moments, it's also kinda of a reminder of these toxic expecations about masculinity and the choices it can influence in young boys lives. Ironically, the only one who cared about safety, Benji is the one who gets injured in this accident, the BB gets stuck in his head. And the bullet being stuck at the side of Benji's eye is this reminder where his childhood innocenece starts being stripped away and replaced with this pressure to act tough and this idea of protection. 

    By the end of this scene, the novel starts to reflect on how these boys learned to protect themselves as they grow older when they mention, "As time went on, we learned to arm ouselves in our different ways. Some of us with real guns, some of us with with more ephemeral weapons...But a weapon nonetheless" (Whitehead 158). It is honestly sad to see how childhood memory involving toy guns becoems connected to this fear and violence. The quote also shows how these boys grow up beliveing they need some kind of "weapon" for protection, whether physical or emotional. The BB still trapped in Benji's head symbolizes how his time in Sag Harbor takes a darker turn and how the loos of innocence becomes part of growing up. Even though Benji goes through a painful expeirence, it also helps him mature and grow in a more positive direction by the end of the novel.